I am feeling a fuckload better.
Thanks god for that, I was starting to worry. I’ve been going to the drop-in almost religiously. I felt pretty low this afternoon but I still went. It does me good to be around people. I don’t know why I felt so crap earlier today, I should have been over the moon, I lost 6 and a half pounds at weight watchers in my first week. It’s definitely motivated me to lose more. I want to reach my 5% goal over the next two weeks.
While my mood is in the safe zone, I am going to go to the drop-in reasonable early tomorrow. I don’t want to spend any time by myself. I worry that I’m becoming dependant on others but it’s better than the consequences of sitting at home planning ways to kill myself.
I’ve been having some fucked up dreams over the last few nights; they’re extremely vivid as soon as I try to remember them, they slip away. I’m getting on it with a sleeping pill tonight; I need to feel refreshed in the morning.
So Christmas is just over a month away. I am terrified to be honest. I always hate this time of year, everyone gets so stressed out in my house and I drink loads to cope with everything. That’s what’ll happen again this year though; if I shove a bottle of wine down my neck at least I won’t remember how bad the day was afterwards.
What are you lot all doing for Christmas?
Life on the Borderline 